Fanfictional Characters
by MortalShadowhunter
Summary: This is totally just a really bad dramatic parody of Tris meeting the fanfiction versions of themselves. Tobias thinks he is hot, Eric is all of a sudden in love with her, Christina wants to punch a brick, and Uriah eats popcorn. There's no plot, there's no reason, there's no sparkly cats. This is all meant to be a weird parody so no flames cuz its all a joke. Lol.


Yawning, Tris pushed the covers off her bed. Her morning routine was almost robotic: eat breakfast, brush your teeth, wash your face, put on outdoor clothes, and do your hair. Too bad she was never a morning person. When she had finally completed the necessary tasks for the day, except brushing her teeth and washing her face, it had taken her a slug-like two hours to fully wake herself up.

"Coffee." She murmured blearily to herself. "I need coffee."

The door burst open, revealing a very disheveled, and very excited, Tobias. Picking her up in his arms, he carried her down the steps. "Tris! I love you like a lot, okay? And I'm like really hot, so you have to love me too, okay?"

"Tobias?" Tris said, pushing her out of his arms. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Did I ever tell you that you are really cute and really hot." His eyes crazed like a drunk bar manager, Tobias grinned. "Like really smexy smexy and hot, like me."

"Hah hah. Very funny." Tris said sarcastically, ignoring the fact that Tobias was really creeping her out.

"Did Beatrice Prior just make a sarcastic comment? I should start calling you smexy more often!"

"And just yesterday you were telling me how it's alright that I'm not pretty. I don't think someone can go through that big of a change in one day." Raising and eyebrow, Tris straightened her jacket, looking at Tobias out of the corner of her eye. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go buy coffee...Though I doubt I would need it anyway with you jumping around and scaring me like this, Tobias."

"Too late. I invited all of our friends over for a game of Candor or Dauntless."

"WHAT?"

Marching Tris back into the house, her room was soon flooded with Dauntless initiates. Her best Christina was sitting next to Will, giggling and laughing as they sat down. Scantily dressed in black clothes, Christina was showing more skin than what even a Dauntless would wear. It was even worse that Eric was there, twisting a ring in his eyebrow as if he were twiddling with his thumbs.

"I just want you to know, Tris, that I've been harboring secret feelings for you. I'm so jealous of Tobias. You and I should be together." Eric whispered loudly towards Tris, his expression entirely blank.

"What in the hell is going on here?" Tris yelled, outraged.

"Don't worry." Uriah grinned, flopping himself down on the couch. He had a bowl of popcorn in his hand which greatly confused Tris since she didn't have any popcorn in the house. "We've all totally been in love with you since the beginning."

"The beginning?"

"Since we met you. Even though you are really stubborn, ugly, curious-"

Tobias jumped to his feet. "And hot!"

"And short, and selfish, and a million other things, you have good popcorn, so I like you." Uriah finished, tossing a piece of popcorn into his mouth.

"Yeah. Trissy!" Tobias shouted gleefully.

Tris looked around wildly. "I don't even have popcorn. What is this madness?"

"The question should be, what is this hotness?"

"TOBIAS!"

"Exactly. You got the answer correct."

"No, Tobias! What is everyone frickin' doing at my house?"

"To play Candor or Dauntless. Like truth or dare...you know?"

Letting out a scoff, Tris looked at everyone. "No. I don't know."

"I understand, Tris." Christina murmured, silencing the room. She stood up, patting Tris on the shoulder. "I know exactly what you feel. You're scared of being out of control and that's why this is so stressful for you. Women have always been at the bottom of the social ladder. Men think we are soft and weak when we are NOT. Gosh! I feel so angry about this that I want to go punch a wall and smash my face into a brick!"

"Christina..."

"Then that will show everyone that I am not weak. I am strong!"

Uriah frowned. "Darn it, my shirt has a hole in it."

Letting out a laugh, Will landed a kiss on Christina's cheek. "Shirts are uncomfortable things. That's why all the characters in books all either wear really tight shirts or no shirts like Jacob in the Twilight series."

"MY EARS ARE BLEEDING!" Uriah collapsed on the floor, plugging his ears.

"AHHHHHHH!" Tris yelled, outraged. Then Eric, who was playing with a brick, threw it at Tris and she fell into darkness.

**~~ooo~~**

Peeling open her eyelids, Tris felt as if her eyes were sutured shut. At first, all she saw was a pair of hands stroke hair from her face, but then her vision sharpened. Brown hair, black shirt, blue eyes; it was obviously Tobias.

"Hey Tris."

"Tobias?" She groaned, lifting herself from her bed. "I had this awful dream that everyone had gone crazy."

"Crazier than usual?"

"Even that." She sighed, sitting up. Her room, she realized, was a mess. The floor was littered with clothes, books, Marvel figurines, tissue paper, portraits of Slim Shady, Snoop Lion's newest albums, a new collection of a series called Divergent, a faerie ring, a duck plushie, and...popcorn? "Why is there popcorn in my room?"

"I bought some."

"Oh. I though Uriah had come. I'm so glad you are back to normal."

"What do you mean, Tris? I've always been normal. Come one, lets go into the living room...or I can model dresses on for you to display my hotness."

Tris: Epic Facepalm


End file.
